So, I fell out of gear with the blog thing pretty quickly wouldn't you say? Part of "why" is that I fell out of gear with my horse too. A phenonomen that I have long noticed, is that my personal energy level concerning the horses is tied to my own horse ... I ride for a living and enjoy the horses and students I work with (there are few exceptions, now that I am older I have found that I don't waste a lot of time on the frustrating go-nowhere situations). Still, what makes me really excited about horse activities - shows, rides, and general day to day stuff -- is having a good relationship going with a horse of my own.

I don't even have to be riding the horse. I miss Bonnie, because even though I had not ridden her in nearly ten years, just being around her reminded me of how wonderful it was to work with a horse of her talent. I have been trying to transfer that same enthusiasum to Blue, Bonnie's son, but it has been hit-and-miss. I like Blue a great deal but .... and there is the problem. I don't remember ever saying "but..." about Bonnie. There was never anything wishy-washy about her.

But ... Blue is sometimes sound and sometimes not. Sometimes I feel we had a great ride, or he performed way better than I expected, and other times I have a sense of let down. I often feel like I am not giving him a fair chance, or a good ride, and I often wonder if he might be better off with someone else, someone who would appreciate all his good qualities.

And then I wonder if any horse will ever inspire me like Bonnie did. And I hope so. I sincerely do, because I am not ready to stop riding and I am not ready to stop competing. I just wonder if I am being unfair to Blue, to make him assume a role that he doesn't have a clue about.

Blue has been on a lay-up, to deal with his back and stifle issues. I'm riding him again and he feels good. I am trying to pretend that he belongs to someone else, so that I can appreciate his willingness, his kindness and his own style of abilities, instead of constantly comparing him to his mother. We are starting again; Blue back in training and me back to training my own horse, to making plans and goals and to reminding myself that every horse is an individual and that I might have already used up the Bonnies allotted to me in this life.

 

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